Mega Memes

Hey all,

I've been working on some Mega Man memes in recent days, and I'm looking for some help to get this idea going. As solid a series as it has been, Mega Man is rife for some parody. Some of the common jokes tend to be about some of the lackluster enemies, the nonsensical weapons and weaknesses, and the fact that he is from the future in the year 200X. Of course let's not forget the ever popular "You get _____" jokes.

The real challenge is coming up with a way to make him into something that can be used outside the video game community. Perhaps a meme about technology or robots would do the trick? Go to http://memegenerator.net/Mega-Man, check out what I have so far, and be sure to add some of your own!

Later,
ArgentStew, the Gaming Sage

My Thoughts on the Oklahoma Violent Games Bill

Hey all,

News broke in the past couple days that a bill introduced in the Oklahoma House of Representatives (House Bill 2696) which placed a 1% tax on 'violent video games' was defeated this week. Will Fourkiller, a Representative of the state's 86th District, proposed the bill in hopes of raising awareness about bullying and obesity. The vote ended on a margin of 5-6, which is far from the majority needed to pass the bill. Once again video games are under attack. Last year California's law against selling violent video games to minors was also shot down. In the past, games like Doom and Mortal Kombat have come under fire from politicians and interest groups alike.

This bill was more like bull. It was completely frivolous and a waste of time even to attempt to pass this bill into law. I have multiple reasons for believing this:

• The bill only placed a 1% tax on games deemed violent by Fourkiller. Certainly game stores, or at the very least department stores that sell games, would pass this tax on to the consumer. We are talking about a difference of 60 cents. Games with peripherals would probably be taxed $1 at the most. That's not going to deter people from buying violent games or raise any red flags. If Fourkiller was trying to raise awareness about anything, then he should have made more of a statement. Instead the tax is similar to a Level 1 enemy in an RPG or a billy club in a shooter.
• The bill is considered unconstitutional anyway. Even if it did pass, it would have been vetoed or thrown out by the courts. The failure of the previously mentioned California law led to the ruling that video games were protected under the same First Amendment rights as movies, music, and books. Despite the fact that Scalia's explanation for the ruling may be contrived, the fact now exists that video games are simply another form of media and must be legislated as such.
• The bill covered all games that were rated T, M, or AO. This part of the bill is an overarching blanket for violent games. Some games that are rated T like Super Smash Bros. Brawl aren't even all that violent. Other games are given a T rating because of strong language or gambling themes. In addition, games are generally given a rating of AO for strong sexual content. Some of these games have nothing to do with violence at all. It may simply be another case of lawmakers not understanding the technology as was the case for SOPA and PIPA.
• The bill was sending mixed messages. People have attacked violent video games in the past because they thought it caused increased aggression in gamers or to keep such media out of the hands of younger kids. This concept may only loosely be related to bullying. Furthermore, it has absolutely nothing to do with obesity. If the intent truly was send a message about obesity, then why didn't Fourkiller propose this tax be placed on all games? As Rep. Mike Reynolds stated, "Why not French fries or rap music or movies?"

These facts lead me to believe the proposed law had some manner of ulterior motive, masked to look like a law of good intentions. Regardless of the law's true nature, there was no viable reason for this bill to be presented before Oklahoma Congress in the first place. Simply put there are better ways to alleviate the problems that HB 2696 intended to solve.

Later,
ArgentStew, the Gaming Sage

Original news story here.

Quote of the Week 2

"There were times when I saw a game on sale [on Steam] for like $5, and I bought it on impulse. I thought, 'I don't want to play this game now, but I will play it...eventually.'" ~ My coworker

Attack of the Web Browsers

"Everyday Internet Explorer comes up with a new way to fail me."

Hey all,

Show your love (or contempt) for your favorite (or most hated) web browser with one of my Portal-themed forum avatars! Each one is 100x100 and only about 20 KB a piece, so they should be usable in all --  if not most -- message boards and forums. Just right click and choose "Save as..." or "Save Image" or whatever it is on your browser of choice.

Enjoy,
ArgentStew, the Gaming Sage

Letter to GameFly

Dear GameFly,

I have been using your service for a while now. Basically all local video rental stores closed down in my hometown, Blockbusters seem to be rather rare no matter where I go, and I couldn't find any Redboxes that had game rentals. You can see driving down the road to rent a new game hasn't been an option for me really. There are a lot of games I want to play but don't want to buy. For example, Kirby's Epic Yarn. Not entertaining enough to play through more than once. Not for me anyway. In any case, you have been reliably sending me games from the top of my queue ever since I first held the envelope containing Super Mario Galaxy.

I am writing today about an email I received earlier this afternoon. You have decided to send me Mario Kart 7, the #3 game in my queue, but what I really want is Super Mario 3D Land. It has been the #1 game in my queue for a while. You have sent me several other games, including Call of Duty: Black Ops and Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword, during the time I had this game at the top of my list. I can understand why I would not receive this game when it first came out since the demand would drive down the availability of the popular title; however, I saw on your website yesterday that the availability of this game (which has been out for several months now) is very high.

Why are you avoiding sending me this game? What did I do to wrong you so gravely? I'm sorry I held your games out for so long without buying them. I thought I might pick them up again during the three weeks they sat on my living room table. I thought I might get that last achievement or unlock that last feature. But I didn't and instead I found it too much of hassle to take them down to the mailbox for my apartment complex. I left them sitting there and deprived your other customers of these fantastic games. Was it because I bought Dragon Age 2? I didn't know it sucked. I was blinded by its good critical reception like everyone else. Besides you had it on sale for under $20. You shouldn't have tantalized me with all the coupons and discounts I had accrued to make it worth $5. Was it because I didn't buy Super Mario Galaxy? I'm sorry for that. Was it because I laughed at your commercials? Because they can be pretty bad sometimes. You should consider getting better actors. Or at least act more professional and sync up the sound properly on YouTube. You must make enough money for a better advertising campaign.

So are we all square now? Did I clear up those misunderstandings? I hope so. If you could do me a favor, please send me Super Mario 3D Land when I buy or am done with Mario Kart. Actually, you know, I don't really care all that much. I'd be happy with the Metal Gear HD Collection. So, yeah, whatever I guess.

Thank you,
ArgentStew, the Gaming Sage

[MW3] SMG Classes

Hey all,

I'm starting to come along in Modern Warfare 3. A big part of my game up to this point has been submachine guns, or SMGs. These guns are notable for being highly mobile automatic weapons. They lack the range to match up against some of the other weapons and can pale in comparison to the power of shotguns at short-range. However, the best reason for me to pick up SMGs are their versatility. They are good at mid-range, good in close quarters, good firing off the hip, and good when ADS. You may have to be somewhat creative to come up with a good class that improves the performance of these weapons, yet I feel they are fairly good weapons to use for beginners and experts alike. If you're looking for some SMG classes to try, you are more than welcome to try some of mine.

Mobile

This class is built to move quickly and reduce the chance of unwanted surprises. I use my Mobile class primarily on smaller maps such as Dome, Hardhat, and Piazza. The UMP45 is my weapon of choice, so much so that it is the only golden gun I have at the time of writing. With the addition of Rapid Fire and the Range proficiency, the UMP45 becomes very good for quick kills and doesn't lose its power at mid-range. Extreme Conditioning and the Juiced deathstreak allow me to move around the map quickly. Adding Assassin I don't have to worry about UAVs while running after a kill or two and Steady Aim Pro makes me ready to fight faster once I find someone. The pistol is there for quick finishes or melee kills, while the grenades and killstreaks are rather arbitrary.

Stealth

This swift, silent assassin class is used by me mostly on larger maps to get the jump on snipers or in game types like Free-for-all or Kill Confirmed that demand the ability to kill at close range while not giving away your position to opponents. The PP90M1 with its rapid fire capabilities seems like a good fit for a Silencer, and the inclusion of the Melee proficiency makes it outstanding for getting your kills silently. The MP9 with a Red Dot Sight provides a ranged option at the risk of giving away your position. The Throwing Knife gives its user a silent instant kill option. The perks are all set up for stealth: Blind Eye to keep out of sight of copters, Assassin to prevent yourself being seen by UAVs, and Dead Silence not only to move in quietly on an opponent but also to reduce the effects of other recon methods. The Specialist killstreaks improve the mobility and close range abilities of this class, much like the above option. Hardline is there simply to get to All-Perks Bonus faster and can be swapped out for Blast Shield to prevent your streak from being ended by a stray grenade, Sleight of Hand to offset the slow reload time of the PP90M1, or Scavenger so you don't have to pick up another possibly unsuppressed gun in the middle of your streak.

All in all, I advise newer players to have options in your game. Weapons like shotguns and sniper rifles that are very good at one thing are good when you know how to use them properly. When you are inexperienced, it is better to be able to handle multiple situations. You might be surprised how valuable options are on the battlefield.

Later,
ArgentStew, the Gaming Sage

Game Interruptions

Hey all,

I did have several topics that I wanted to discuss today, but I decide to write about something that has almost surely affected you and anyone else who reads my blog. How many times have you been interrupted during a gaming session? Sometimes this can be a minor annoyance. Other times it can be an angering mishap that causes you to redo hours of progress. (Don't forget to save your game often!) It used to be a non-issue in the past because practically every game had a pause feature. Fewer games nowadays allow for simple stoppages due to the increase in online play, real time capabilities, and anti-piracy techniques like digital rights management. I listed a few reasons for someone to have their game interrupted:

• Laziness, frustration, or boredom
• Parent or spouse forces or asks you to stop
• Someone does something stupid
• Equipment failure (controller batteries run out, "Red Rings of Death")
• Electrical failure
• Medical emergency
• Cable, phone, fiber optic, or satellite problem while playing an online game

Why do I bring up this topic? I ran into one such interruption today that I did not list: fire emergency. I was playing Modern Warfare 3 at the time and having a relatively good session as my kill-death ratio was topping around 3 or 4 for several games. A stove-top fire occurred in the apartment two floors above mine in the early afternoon and suddenly having to stop playing Call of Duty became the least of my concerns. I went out the door and checked to make sure everyone was OK. My electricity was shut off for an hour or two, so this particular issue could also fall under electrical and Internet failure. Of course I'm just glad no one was hurt and the damage was kept to a minimum.

Can you think of any other reasons why your gaming time would be abruptly stopped? Have any stories to share? Leave a comment!

Later,
ArgentStew, the Gaming Sage

Quote of the Week 1

"I didn't like Majora's Mask as much as Ocarina or Twilight Princess, but that's like saying cake isn't as good as pie." ~ Me

What is Love? Love!

Hey all,

Happy Valentine's Day! Just thought I'd throw a few quick videos in here to celebrate.

Talos loves us...apparently. This monologue annoys me to no end. Especially when I was doing the Companions quest line. I hate this guy more than most of you probably hate "Arrow to the Knee" jokes.

GlaDoS loves Cave Johnson. Or at least Caroline used to. Or something. She at least likes the guy, so that must really be something coming from her.

Metal Man loves Splash Woman. I guess. This affair must not have lasted long. Metal Man didn't last long beyond the second game. Everybody wants that Metal Blade after all.

Love must be a fickle thing in the video game multiverse. Oh well. Enjoy!

Later,
ArgentStew, the Gaming Sage

What Irks Me About Skyward Sword

"I was beeping to let you know about the beeping." ~ Fi Annoys Link

Hey all,

There's a few things that annoy me about Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword.

The goddess seems like a real jerk. She sends Link on this huge quest into lands unexplored by his kind to fight powerful monsters and unspeakable horrors. Yet she never relays the reason for all of this. It's just a quest to save the world. That's the only explanation we get beyond the legends and tales that were passed down through the generations of people living in the clouds. It's very vague if you ask me. If I went on a quest on a whim for every myth that I have heard in my life I'd probably be sailing through the Bermuda Triangle, climbing Mt. Olympus, or searching for the Lost City of Gold. Link excepts all these stories as fact like it's nothing. But I digress. What's with the goddess making Link pass difficult trials to receive her gifts. You can't make him work for a gift! That's a reward, not a gift. Here's what a gift is:

gift, noun: something given voluntarily without payment in return, as to show favor toward someone, honor an occasion, or make a gesture of assistance (dictionary.com)

Albeit, they are very cool items. Regardless it's like me shaking a present in your face on your birthday, asking you to separate your spirit from your body, and making you do something I can't do as a corporeal being before I can give it to you. On top of that, I tantalize you by telling you that whatever is inside the box is the one greatest gift that you will ever receive in your entire life. Did I neglect to mention my friends will be trying to destroy your mortal soul? You already split from your body? Well you better be careful then. Good luck.

By the way, why did the goddess choose Link? He not only lives in the clouds; this kid has his head in the clouds too. The kid is a lazy slacker. He sleeps in all the time, gets himself thrown off of cliffs constantly, and rides through his knight training on the skirt of his childhood friend whose father happens to be the headmaster of the academy. Even Impa thought he was a good-for-nothing kid when she first met him, and she was so helpful in Ocarina of Time. (Yes, I know they are different people.) Was this slacker personality intentional by Nintendo? Were we, the gamers, suppose to relate more to this incarnation of Link because he's lazy and likes to sleep a lot? Guess they had to package something for those of us who don't have Wii Fit. He wasn't all that good during the Wing Ceremony either. I honestly thought it was going to end up being the Legend of Groose instead of the Legend of Zelda for a while. I mean Groose seems like the kind of guy who would put his name on everything. (*cough* Grooseland *cough*) Link obviously doesn't know what to do about bullies. Once again he relies on Zelda for that as well.

And what is with the people of Skyloft giving him such menial chores throughout the game?

"Link, bring this soup to the Knight-Commander for me."
"Link, find my daughter who likes to walk around in the graveyard."
"Duh! Hey, Link! Help me find my thing."

But that's not the worst request. Oh no! What really gets to me is the lady who's like:

"Oh, Link, it's so nice to see you. I know you're busy training to be a knight and saving the world from monsters that I'll never see in my lifetime, but since you're here how about you clean my house? My entire house. Thanks, Link. Make sure you get the windows, the bed, and the shelves while you're at it."

Are you kidding me? Can't she hire a maid or something? She obviously has the money for it. She grossly overpays Link once the task is complete. It will take you about a minute to clean/wreck her home, and she pays you 20 rupees for this task. I would love to make $20 a minute if I could. If Nintendo wanted him to do chores for people, then why doesn't anyone ask him to cut their lawn? Link has been cutting grass for a long time now. At least since A Link to the Past. Nintendo put all sorts of little references to the rest of Miyamoto's series in this game. It would only have been hilariously awesome if someone asked him to do that. Maybe they do, and I don't know about it yet.

And to those of you who are asking, "Is this the greatest Zelda ever?" No. It is not. Sorry.

Later,
ArgentStew, the Gaming Sage

[MW3] Osprey Fail!

Hey all,

Last night I completed the Heads Up! challenge in Modern Warfare 3. For those not in the know, this particular accolade requires one to kill an enemy by dropping a crate or care package on their head. Acquiring a care package isn't very difficult (based on the perks and rewards a player is using, a killstreak of 3 or 4 would reward a care package.) Having a crate drop out of the sky and fall onto an unwitting adversary appears to be a random occurrence to say the least. The drop zone for the package is obviously marked by a smoke-spewing canister. Some creative placement of the flare, or a stupid mistake by a foe, is usually necessary to complete this challenge. It all makes me wonder why this challenge was put in place to begin with. There may be some other method of killing an enemy with a care package, but anything else I can imagine would still require a lot of luck or an elaborate setup. Perhaps one package could be pushed off a ledge or a roof with a grenade or another care package. A greedy enemy with Blind Eye underneath an Osprey could potentially self-resolve the issue of accomplishing this task.

Enough of the musing and analysis though. This challenge, the Osprey killstreak, and the idea of killing with care packages reminded me of a funny moment I had while playing online several months ago. I went back immediately after the match ended, opened up the theater, and laughed for a good five minutes replaying the mishap over and over. It may not be annihilating opponents with plummeting paradoxical parcels, but I think it qualifies as epic fail.

Seriously now...

Later,
ArgentStew, the Gaming Sage

Space Core in Skyrim

Hey all,

This has got to be one of the greatest crossover ideas ever.

Bethesda recently released their Skyrim Creation Kit, which allows users to alter the newest realm in the Elder Scrolls series. I, for one, certainly enjoyed toying with the toolkit for Morrowind back when that game was prevalent, so the array of tools available for Skyrim must be amazing. Now receiving the kit alone is well worth the wait by itself, but Valve released a mod of their own as well.

Space Core joins -- or rather crashes into -- the immense world of the Nords. Once you locate the excitable sphere in the rundown shack outside of Whiterun, you can listen to him deliver some of his infamous lines from Portal 2 along with some new dialogue that matches his new surroundings. In addition you can add him to your inventory or kick him along the ground like a soccer ball. The Space Core comes with a hefty price, so one must wonder if he can be sold. That would be plain parsimonious. (Look it up. I think it is a fitting adjective for someone who would go and sell such a character.)

It's things like this that make me wish I didn't buy the 360 version of this game.

Later,
ArgentStew, the Gaming Sage

Original news story here.

Super Bowl Prediction

Hey all,

Seeing as how I have my blog up and running on Super Bowl Sunday, I thought that it would only make sense to kick things off with a Madden 12 simulation of the game. EA did their own simulation of the game, which ended in a 27-24 Giants victory; however, I thought it would be a good idea to do one of my own. Here are some interesting notes about my simulation for Super Bowl XLVI:

• The Giants won the coin toss. Eli Manning threw to Victor Cruz for 9 yards in the first play of the game.
• The Patriots lost 4 yards on their first play on a run by BenJarvus Green-Ellis.
• The first points of the game were scored on a 2-yard run by the Patriots that capped off a drive after an interception of Eli Manning.
• Hakeem Nicks was injured in the first quarter.
• The Patriots led 21-6 at the half.
• Down 28-6 with 14 minutes left in the fourth quarter, the Giants went for it on 4th down and came up inches short of the first.
• The Giants desperate attempt for a comeback was halted when they missed an onside kick attempt.

The final score in the game was 42-13, New England over New York. The total yardage was about the same, but the Patriots ran the ball for 100 more yards than the Giants. In one way this stat makes no sense because the Giants have the better running attack but it makes sense in that BenJarvus Green-Ellis was a monster in the simulation. He earned the MVP honors for the game. Some stats for the game:

• Tom Brady: 23-35, 246 yds, 1 TD, 1 INT
• BenJarvus Green-Ellis: 27 att, 139 yds, 5 TD
• Deion Branch: 7 rec, 73 yds, 1 TD
• Rob Gronkowski: 3 rec, 38 yds
• Rob Ninkovich: 8 tackles, 3 sacks
• Eli Manning: 24-46, 339 yds, 1 TD, 4 INT
• Ahmad Bradshaw: 24 att, 67 yds
• Victor Cruz: 3 rec, 94 yds, 1 TD

The real game was not very similar to my simulation. My game did accurately predict Rob Gronkowski's relative inactivity and Victor Cruz's touchdown. Tom Brady's statistics were fairly close to the real world counterparts. That's about it. Everything else was way off.

It would only make sense that EA's mock Super Bowl was closer to the real thing than mine. I guess I will have to refine my technique for next year's game. That is, considering I have Madden 13 at the time.

Later,
ArgentStew, the Gaming Sage