What Irks Me About Donkey Kong Country

"You wouldn't know a good game if you were in it!" ~ Cranky Kong, Donkey Kong Country

Hey all,

There's a few things that annoy me about Donkey Kong Country.

What do the Kremlings want with Donkey Kong's bananas? All these reptiles are carnivores. They don't eat bananas. Everyone else who stole his bananas had good reasons to do it. Bowser stole them in Super Smash Bros. Brawl to draw him and Diddy Kong out so he can blast them with a Dark Cannon. The tikis in Donkey Kong Country Returns are powered up by bananas. As inane as the idea of banana-powered musical tikis sounds, they still make more sense than the Kremlings. That tells you something. I don't understand why King K. Rool wants those bananas so badly. Does he simply want to rule DK Island? Then he should have just gone and kicked DK's ass. The bananas just gave Donkey and Diddy a bunch of extra lives by the time they reached the Gangplank Galleon.

Besides that, how come some of the animals are aligned with the Kremlings? The bees and vultures aren't with K. Rool, are they? They're just a bunch of pissed off animals. If K. Rool does have control over them, then why did he choose the beavers and those stupid weak snakes instead of the rhinos and the swordfish? It's an easy choice if you ask me.

Who the heck came up with the idea of using series of floating explosive barrels to cross gaps? Some of those barrel chains were murderous and took me forever to pass when I was a kid. Hasn't anyone on that island ever heard of a freaking bridge? The Kremlings built elaborate factories and mechanical moving platforms on DK Island, but they couldn't construct any bridges? Seriously. I have one other problem with these barrels. Why did the Kremlings put Diddy in a barrel right outside his treehouse? DK just has to walk outside his home and break it open effortlessly. They put Donkey Kong in a cage in Donkey Kong Country 2. Why couldn't they have thought of that the first time?

Now that I think about it, the real problem appears to be with King K. Rool and his leadership. He's a complete moron. Look at the final battle for instance. He starts attacking you by running at you. Have you ever seen that morbidly obese crocodile? Speed is not his strong suit. Obviously he doesn't have to go very fast to cause a lot of damage, but DK and Diddy are more than fast enough to avoid him easily. Then he uses his weapon of choice: his crown. Sure it's pointy enough to hurt when he's jumped on, but if that's the case then use it for defense. You don't roll a small avoidable projectile along the ground and then stand there in shock when they dodge it. King K. Rool doesn't get the sense knocked into him until he gets knocked out the first time and yet he still says to himself, "The giant cannonballs don't work, so I'll try rolling my crown on the ground again." I mean it worked so well before!

Let's be honest: As Cranky Kong once said, "You're only reading this because you're bored!"

Later,
ArgentStew, the Gaming Sage